I'm Still Learning How to Express Myself

   I'm young. I'm still learning how to express myself. I don't like the taste of mayonnaise. I have a big family, and we all love each other.
I've never been out of the United States. I would very much like to travel when I grow up. I like old people, especially old couples with white hair. I will go out of my way to be different. I'm fascinated by the way people think. People's background stories allow me to place myself in their life. I have a strange obsession with the question "Why?"  I never choose favorites. I hold animosity towards the expression “Shut up.” If sleeping was in the Olympics, I believe I would be a champion. I believe in people. I think that somewhere, deep inside, everyone has good in them. I always give second chances. I find peace in music. I prefer music that doesn’t scream. I like music that means something. I like stories. Even fairytales still amuse me. I am in denial about my age. I remember a lot. I look for shapes in the clouds. I have a weird taste for the unknown. I try to live life to the fullest. I think too much. I have never hiked up a mountain. I am not a fan of camping. I like to think that shooting stars are actually stars. I like to do things that are not expected of me. I compete in beauty pageants. I like to wear pretty dresses. I feel a constant need to reconnect with people who have slithered out of my life. I like to dream. I have a knack for remembering my dreams in detail. I have thought about keeping my dreams in journals, but I never got around to it. I am a cheerleader. I don’t really have a talent. I am my biggest critic. I have never been kissed in the rain. I have never been kissed on a stairwell. I have never been kissed at midnight on New Year’s Day. I over-plan. When I get troubled, I lose sleep. I have situational insomnia. I have had many boyfriends, but I have only kissed three of them. I like to think that I do things right. I have a fear of losing the things I hold most dear. I have a fear of falling. I fear the word “love”. I am afraid of saying the word “love” and not meaning it. I don’t like to run. I also don’t like to be left behind. I don’t like letting people down. I believe in quotes. I believe in “Meant to be”. I hold an interest for things that don’t go together. Lady Gaga and Owl City. Gold and Silver. Black and Brown. Up and Down. Left and Right. Right and Wrong. Yes and No. Beautiful and Hideous. Big and Little. Fingers and Toes. Tennis Shoes and Mittens. Black and White. I can’t decide if I’m indecisive or not. I like to smile. I sometimes think that crying makes things better. I like to think that karma happens. I find humor in irony. I like to laugh. My sense of humor has been called strange before. When I was little, I had a pair of shoes that made me run faster. I always feel the need to play music. I once had a dream that I died from a result of a window breaking in my Spaceship-RV. Hats don’t look good on me. I try to someone I would have looked up to as a child. I tend to procrastinate when it is least convenient. I have lied. I have stolen a bracelet once from Claire’s, by accident. I regret things very easily. I have trouble seeing past the end of my own nose sometimes. I miss my childhood dearly. I miss the simplicity of childhood. I miss my dad sometimes. I am still troubled by the fact that you can’t change people. Oftentimes, life is tough. I am learning to live with the way things are. I am not good at making documentaries. I don't like to video tape myself. tried to make a documentary of my trip to New Orleans. I fail sometimes. I learn something new everyday. I watch Disney classics on VHS because I think that that is how they are meant to be watched. I am not afraid of change, but it makes me uncomfortable. I make promises to myself. I have broken promises. I have been broken hearted. I have broken hearts. I read the Paris Review. I love New York City. I think that ignorance truly is bliss, at times. I think too much. I worry too much. I concoct fictional situations all the time and title them “What if…” I love the look people give me when they wonder what I’m talking about. At times, I don’t like to be different. I was made to be different. I like to compare my thoughts and beliefs with other people. I have mature conversations. I don’t enjoy spending time with selfish people. I would sometimes rather be alone than with my friends. I have never ‘partied’. I have never been drunk. I have never smoked. I like to listen to remixes of songs. I have tried to be a follower before. I think I’ll just stick to making my own path from now on. I live above the influence. Sometimes I change my opinion about something just to be different. I want to truly love and be loved in return by someone who is not in my family. Bracelets are my current fashion statement. I wear twelve bracelets on my left arm, but only two on my right. I’m right- handed. I’ve been to a bar, but have not had alcohol. I wonder about the future. Taylor Swift is one of my inspirations. I think that the natural look is the most beautiful. I wonder what I would look like if I was massively obese. I wonder what I would look like with a hair color other than dark brown. I have owned green contacts. Despite my fear of falling, I want to skydive. I like to fly in airplanes because it makes me feel like a grown up. I like to go to Disney World because it makes me feel like a kid. I don’t know exactly what I want to be when I grow up. I like to think that I’ll impact someone’s life in a big way one day. I used to write poetry that didn’t rhyme. My calendar is my diary. I have tried to keep thirty different journals. I have lived in three different states. I am afraid of what awaits me after high school. I am afraid of forever. I don’t like the color army green. I love the color of a tangerine. I wonder, constantly, if the fruit orange was named after the color. I have a collection of Seventeen magazines. I am intensely inspired by mysteries. I am easily amazed. Giraffes are my favorite. I contradict myself sometimes.  When people liked zebra print, I enjoyed giraffe patterns. I have distaste for copycats. I have several hundred little obsessions. I over-use the word “cute”. I look up to numerous amounts of people for different reasons. I am easily inspired. I like to take pictures. I used to only want to dress up cute, but then I realized that sweat pants are much more comfortable. Sometimes I realize that what I’m in the middle of saying is boring, so I just quit taking. I walk around imagining what the stories of the people around me are. I like to take showers; it’s there that I often come up with my best thoughts. I have never been in a relationship for more than seven months. While texting, I never use “LOL”. I like to put on makeup and parade around my room listening to Taylor Swift. Nicolas Sparks always makes me cry. I think of what I’m going to say in detail before I speak, because the few times that I haven’t have led to disaster. I have an immense interest in big words, and I use them as often as I can. I always seem to injure my face. I have a scar on my chin from bike riding and talking on the phone simultaneously. I've burned my forehead with a curling iron. Once, I skinned my nose trying to do a back flip on the trampoline. I have a notebook full of quotes. I tend to use quotes while I’m having an argument. I like to argue; I refuse to lose. I will ignore someone to the point of ridiculousness solely to make a point. I travel a lot, but I have living out of a suitcase. I like to know what people think of me, even though it doesn’t matter much. I’m a curious being. I used to have a habit of drawing/ writing on Styrofoam cups as a form of therapy, but I quit that when people started to imitate my habit. Now I have a ton of artistic Sonic cups in my room. I like Sonic, it truly is America’s Drive-In. Raspberry Tea is my favorite drink in the world, and I often have a craving for the wonderful drink. Every once in a while, I have trouble knowing when enough is enough and that gets me in trouble. I love animals, but I really dislike cats and mice. I love the sound a pig makes. I have two dogs, two cats, a horse, and a pig. Owning a Painted Tennessee Walking Horse has always been my dream, and after years of hoping, it’s finally come true. I have trouble letting go. I get frustrated very easily. I say goodbye more than once whilst ending a phone conversation. I have a problem with timing. I live for the simple days. I think it’s amazing when two people can be in a relationship and truly be comfortable together. I think it’s inspiring when they can talk, or not, for hours and hours. When the girl, who always cares about the way she looks, can be around him with messy hair in sweat pants and a t-shirt and he still tells her she’s beautiful. I often fall in love with the most cliché of situations. I can’t help the way I am. My room is always a mess, no matter how often I clean it. I’m nowhere near perfect, I’ll admit. I make tons of mistakes. I apologize often. I can be awkward. I get attached to people easily. I like ice cream on a hot day. I’m normal. I’m a girl. I repeat myself often. My memory is bad, but I have photographic memory. Music is my escape. I prefer to listen to bands that not many people know of. I can only say, “I’m dying”, once without lying. I believe in Heaven. I an extremely impatient. Life is not a paragraph. This piece is 1,800 words of truth. Blogging inspires me, it’s true.

think about it:)