"Tonight was fun:)"
She throws her phone across the room with a frustrated cry, and it slams against the wall with enough force to chip the paint and make the battery fly out. She sits up and wipes her tired eyes, red and stinging from the salty tears. She glances at herself in the mirror, and wonders what's become of the strong, independent girl she used to be. She used to be so happy, and now she's been reduced to a puddle of tears on the floor. Within a moment, she knew what happened, but she didn't like the answer. She turned her back to the mirror and took a deep, shaky breath to calm down her throbbing heart. She tiptoed out of her bedroom, grabbing pajamas on her way out, and continued to the bathroom. The only thing that would fix this feeling, she knew, would be a long shower. The worst part about taking a shower, in her opinion, was this: The second you step into the hot water, whatever thoughts you happened to be running from came back to linger like steam on the bathroom mirror. There was no avoiding it, so as the water hit her puffy face, she welcomed the new collection of memories that the night had brought her. ****
They had plans to go to the movies tonight. She knew it wasn't a good idea, but there was something in her that told her to go anyway. His name wasn't important; names don't create a person. All that mattered was that even though she loved him, they couldn't be together. The saddest part of this fact was that it was all because of her. After ten months, she decided to seek other things. More important things. She wanted to be able to stand on her own, but nobody except her knew how difficult that was turning out to be. So with the invitation of seeing a movie with the one she hadn't seen in almost a month, she was anxious. She spent the whole day talking to herself about what was going to happen, as if she could guess. She warned herself to stay strong, and to stay single. She spent two hours getting ready. She changed her outfit countless times because she wanted a look that said "I look great as a single woman". She fussed over her hair and makeup more than usual because she wanted to have the "Effortless Beauty" that everyone always talks about. As she watched his truck pull up at 6:00, she pleaded with the butterflies in her stomach to stop fluttering about like morons. When he rung the doorbell, her heart dropped to her feet. He let himself in like he always does, and walked to the kitchen. She was sitting at the kitchen table, talking with her mom about their next vacations. She was going to Las Vegas, and her mom was going to Jamaica at the end of the month. He leaned against the doorway and smiled at her, "Hey,"
She smiled back and jumped up from her seat and bounced over to her purse, which was sat across the table, "Hey, are you ready to go?"
"Yeah. We're taking your car, right?" He said as he walked over to where she was. The air condition in his truck was broken, and the summer wasn't a good time to take a thirty minute drive without air conditioner.
"Mmmhmm. Hey, Mom, We're leaving. I'll call you." she said, and looked at her mom.
They walked out of the door and on to the car in silence. She knew this would be awkward; what could two heartbroken teenagers possibly have to say after they haven't seen each other in a month. They hadn't even left the driveway and she was already ready to go home. She wasn't ready for this. They stepped awkwardly into the car, and he started it. Even though it was her car, she hated to drive. She had her license as of yesterday, but she wasn't about to drive him around, no way. He started the car, and they drove off, a full evening ahead of them.
"Hey, can you turn the air up? I don't have that advantage in my truck, so I'm going to take full advantage of it," He said to her.
She laughed and turned up the air for him, "Here ya go; I'll fix it...mm.. There, is that better?"
She looked over at him, and he was looking at her.
"It's nice to see you again. I haven't seen you in forever" He told her, staring straight into her eyes, if only for a second.
She can't remember now, but after that it was almost as if everything was okay. They talked and laughed the whole ride there, as if their hearts weren't both shattered. He told her about the song he emailed to some producer guy. She pretended like she didn't, but she knew that the song he sent was about her. She had seen it plastered all over the internet; it made her cry. Even still, she smiled when he told her all about it. He was so excited; his face lit up when he talked about it, so she had to be happy that he was happy. That's what love is about.
They parked the car, and walked up to the ticket booth, and he asked for two tickets to a movie she didn't want to see. All she wanted to see was him, at least one more time. They walked into the movie theater, laughing and talking as their tickets were ripped and they were directed to their correct theater number. They sat down just as the movie started. She pulled her knee up to her chin as the lights went down, and she stared at the screen. The images flashed across the screen, but she could only focus on what she was doing here. Nobody in their right mind went out on dates with their ex boyfriends, and now she knew why. Just then, among all of her negative thoughts, he reached over and grabbed her hand. Maybe it was the sense of urgency in which he grabbed it that didn't let her do anything but hold his hand, too. Maybe it was the fact that, to her, that moment signaled just how much they both needed each other. Whatever it was, they held hands like that for the rest of the movie. She only dared to look at their hands once. The simple sight of their hands clasped like that again, after so long, made tears stream down her cheeks. Even still, she studied their hands, despite the tears that stung her eyes, because it was an image she wanted to remember.
As the credits started to roll, they took back their own hands, and looked at each other. Everyone was filing out of the theater, but they were simply sitting there, studying each other's face. The smile on his face was beautiful. How could she forget the hypnotizing way he looked at her? She studied it this time.
He broke the silence, "You ready to go?"
She looked around at nearly all of the empty seats, stretched, and said,"Yeah, I'm ready when you are."
They got up, both awkwardly stiff from the two and a half hour movie, and left the theater. She called her mom as they pulled out of the parking lot, and then the whole ride home was like the Titanic. The night had been so beautiful, but the end was looming near. The conversation was slow and barely moving as they glided down the road. As the stoplights turned to stop signs and the roads got curvier, the conversation became as difficult as walking a tightrope, neither wanting to say what they were really thinking. As they pulled into the driveway, she unbuckled her seatbelt. He parked and turned the car off, and they awkwardly stepped out of the car. Her mind was full of mixed feelings. She was so sad that the date was over, but she wondered what would happen at the door. She was ready to be inside of her house, but she didn't want to open the door.
"So, I had fun tonight," she said, reaching for the doorknob. She wanted to give him a big hug and make everything better, but it wasn't her job to do that anymore. They weren't together anymore.
"Can I just have a hug?" he asked, sending her stomach into her throat with those few words.
They hugged, and time stopped. It was something that they both needed. There's nothing like a hug between two people who need a hug more than anything.
"I miss you so much" he said into her ear.
All she could do was hug him tighter; her voice would have cracked had she said anything back. She hugged him and embraced what the hug was. It was two hearts, clinging to each other for spare pieces. He stood back, and put his hand on her face. He wiped away that single tear that was streaming down her cheek and kissed her. It wasn't what she was used to. Something about the kiss was sad. It was trying to hold on to what little piece of sanity they each had left in them. The kiss struggled to put together the puzzles that neither of them had the courage to put together. They both smiled. It was ironic that such a smile could be shared.
"I love you," He whispered to her.
She wrapped her arms around him and said in a hardly audible voice, "This is the most difficult thing I've ever had to do."
They held each other for a while, neither wanting to him to disappear into the darkness of the night, but he finally had to turn around and walk away. Because that's what was best for them both.
