Sometimes, I’m amazed to look back through my own mind. I have a habit of flipping back chapters in my life. Sometimes it’s really fun to look back and watch films of perspective running through my own mind like a movie theater. I often look back to a time when I was young and carefree.
I see the time when my sister and I would dance around my grandparents’ camper while they watched us perform. I look back sometimes, and I remind myself of how I became like I am now. I remember the trials I have gone through. I remember the time I had to get up in the middle of my second grade class, and leave the only school I’ve ever known. I see in my head all the sad faces and I remember the way tears welled up in my eyes. Time is a fascinating thing. Maybe remembering is my gift, or maybe everyone can look back the way I do. Maybe they know how to control it, when I am just at the mercy of the wind, metaphorically speaking.
I see the time when my sister and I would dance around my grandparents’ camper while they watched us perform. I look back sometimes, and I remind myself of how I became like I am now. I remember the trials I have gone through. I remember the time I had to get up in the middle of my second grade class, and leave the only school I’ve ever known. I see in my head all the sad faces and I remember the way tears welled up in my eyes. Time is a fascinating thing. Maybe remembering is my gift, or maybe everyone can look back the way I do. Maybe they know how to control it, when I am just at the mercy of the wind, metaphorically speaking.
One thing I remember often, and with vivid accuracy is the way I looked up to people older than me. I would gaze at them, starry eyed, and hang on to every word they said. I would believe them recklessly, no matter what they told me. Of course now I realize that this is extremely naive and I must use my better judgment. But when until I was 8, I thought all people older than me were celebrities. I thought they knew all the gossip about celebrities because they talked to them themselves. I believed they told Santa Claus what I wanted for Christmas. They really were psychic, and knew when something was bothering me without seeing my tear stained cheeks. I thought that a magical kiss really could make a scrape all better. Although I was extremely naïve as young child, I remember it well.
When I was younger, there was this girl. She’s 7 years older than me and was always around when I was growing up. We’re related, of course. I remember looking at her like she had personally hung the moon. I copied everything she did, and constantly wanted to hang out with her and her friends. She did no wrong, in my own eyes. In first grade, she was in seventh. Seventh grade seemed like the coolest place ever, because she was there. She was a high school cheerleader; and to me, she was the best one on the team. I did all the cheer camps while she cheered, because I wanted to be exactly like her. I had a crush on all of her boyfriends. We fought as I got older because she was so frustrated by the fact that I wanted to be exactly like her. To say the least, I looked up to her. As I got older and matured, we became friends. I still look up to her, and hope that one day I’ll be as good as she is. But, I don’t follow her as crazily as I used to. I remember what it was like when I did though.
Believe it or not, there are little kids running around following you with the same admiration that I once used. There are little ones who truly believe that you are the best at what you do, whatever that is. They see you, and honestly think you hung the moon. They think that you are a celebrity. This fact should be flattering to you. It should make you want to be a better you. You should want to take these admirers under your wing and show them the right path. If that’s too extreme, you should at least be aware of yourself among the company of the public eye because somebody is always watching. You may think that you’re invisible, and nobody cares what you have to say. I promise you that that is far from true, and that there are flocks of kids who hang on to every word you say. Knowing the way I used to be and knowing how my little siblings are makes me hyperaware of the way I act among the little eyes of the world. Would you want your kids listening to the curse words of a high school student they look up to? How would you like to know there are kids who think the way you act around the opposite sex is okay?
There are countless scenarios for things we would never want for our siblings and future kids to see. But when it comes to a inconvenience for us and we must filter the way we act, it doesn’t matter what little 7 year olds see you do at a movie theater, or under the bleachers of a football game. I urge you to think about who’s watching before you do anything.
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